Damn, That Hurts

Whenever I watch a cooking competition like Chopped or Iron Chef, or Top Chef, or Master Chef, or any of the  various other “chef shows;” I always yell at the dumbasses who manage to injure themselved while cooking. They may nick their finger while dicing up an onion. Or they ram their knee into the oven door. Or they singe their eyebrows clean off  when their flambe goes out of control.

A quick look at my hands reveal just how dumb I am...there are way too many scars from burning myself while cooking up a meal...damn those toaster ovens get hot.

Today I finally realized…me, Mr. Fed Up, is one of those dumbasses.

I have sliced my thumbs while slicing strawberries and I have smashed my hands when smashing sweet potatoes. But my  most common form of kitchen injury is the “burn.”  I seem to always forget to grab a mitt when pulling pans out of a 400 degree oven.  I neglect the use of tongs when trying to flip vegetables on a grill. My impatience for eating freshly made toast with melted cheese, has resulted in multiple cases where my sense of taste has gone numb from the burn-induced-blisters. When lifting the lid and checking to see if my crab boil is ready, excruciatingly hot  steam has frequently hit me in the face.  Whenever I carelessly reach in a toaster oven to grab a bit of food at the far back corners, those red-hot wires running along the base and ceiling inside the appliance have toasted my hands, burned my fingers  and singed my arms. Getting burnt is a weekly occurrence for me.

For a long time I was in denial, I thought I was not one of THOSE dumbasses on TV…but then, just today my Mother looked at my fresh burns on my knuckles resulting from ANOTHER toaster-oven-incident, and simple said, “You are stupid.”

Mom’s are pretty much always right in the end. So yep, I am stupid. In my rush and eagerness to make tasty food, I resort back to  caveman-levels of intelligence and focus solely on stuffing my face with grub as soon as possible.  I am sure many cavemen reached into their fire, carelessly burning their hands in the quest for roasted meat. Sometimes one’s gut instinct can be a life saver, other times it can leave you “burned.” But that does not mean I am going to start using oven mitts any time soon.

Maybe one day there will be more products that state the obvious, and remind us to not to put our hands in the sink disposer, or that  stoves really do get hot. But for now, we need to try and remember these things by ourselves…or deal with the consquences of forgetfulness or stupidity or carelessness or whatever you want to call it…I call it “instinctive behavior.”


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Categories: Rants

Author:Mr. Fed Up

A guy looking for good grub. and YES....I have a website...and I am not going to bore you with one of those personal journal type of blogs. I promise. Check it out; www.FedUpFood.com


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9 Comments on “Damn, That Hurts”

  1. Michaela Chatman
    April 3, 2012 at 6:18 am #

    This one was too funny! Actually, it was a bit painful as well. Ouch! When we were younger my dad told us, “If you get burned, you are doing it right!” I hated when he said that. I think he did that because he didn’t want to pop his own popcorn, make his own hamburgers, or anything else.

    So since you keep getting burned, you must be doing something right.

  2. Texanne
    April 3, 2012 at 11:02 am #

    Okay, I am not up for stinky cheese or anything at all called muesli but I can find sympathy for your kitchen injuries. My husband usually has a rag around his hand at least once per weekend, not from cooking but from “fixing” the plumbing, the car, the pool heater, the shrubbery. You get it. Now, the grandkids, they are the ones who hurt themselves in the kitchen–or with that silly straightening iron. So, look, if we all just ate our food raw and shaved our heads, we’d be injury free, right?

    That would be boring.

    Enjoyed your site!

  3. maryfollowsthelamb
    April 3, 2012 at 12:13 pm #

    Owww, and nothing hurts worse than a burn except maybe a papercut!

    • April 3, 2012 at 12:29 pm #

      HAha. I agree. It is the paper-cuts that leave me crying.


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