Fed Up’s Manly Kitchen Essentials

Here at Fed Up HQ we have figured out that there are several essential things every tough-guy kitchen needs. Make sure your kitchen arsenal has these, and you will be armed for everything. This includes everything from saving yourself the disgrace of making a bad meal, to allowing you to make good grub faster so you can stuff your face sooner.

1.Plenty of Seasoning: Lets face it, we are all going to ruin food at least once, and for those times, a good batch of seasoning can come to the rescue. Cover up that burnt taste with some quality BBQ flavors, or if those steamed vegetables became a little too water-logged, then a good lemon pepper or Cajun spice can save you from blandness. The Fed Up kitchen relies heavily on a home-made batch of “swamp-dust,” a seasoning made with plenty of garlic, paprika, black pepper and other goodness. The shaker is always loaded and at the ready.

This is only one of the two cupboards filled with spices and seasonings in the Fed Up house...Ok, we may have gone a little overboard. But all the seasonings insures we can always save a meal from being bland; or at least we can cover up that burnt aftertaste.

2.Toaster-Oven: 20,000 plus Subway restaurants can’t be wrong. And if you need even a better reason, click here.

3.Hot Sauce: Quickly add a blast of flavor. But more importantly, every guy needs to show off that he can eat the hottest, spiciest foods. There is always the underlying competition among guys who can “take the heat,” so it is important that your kitchen be armed to dish out some fire and make sure everyone knows who is king. Oh, and you can always add an extra helping of the Habanero sauce to that unwanted-guest’s dish. It is always nice to have people leave your kitchen in tears (either from joy or from pain).

4.Big Ass Chef Knife: Because size does matter. Try chopping up a watermelon, slicing turkey or splitting open a squash with a wimpy paring knife…I would actually recommend you pick up a machete if you ever see one in Williams-Sonoma.

5.Sous-Chef or a Dog: There are MANY reasons to have a good kitchen sidekick. Key reasons include their ability of saving you the trouble of having to clean up your mess. Plus they can give sound recommendations. Most importantly, if you are embarrassed with the way anything turns out, you can just blame it on the sous-chef.

A sous-chef will clean up after your mess. And you can always blame any farts on them.

6.Indoor Stove-Top Smoker: Not everyone has the luxury to cook outside during hectic weekdays. An indoor smoker is a convenient, fast and ridiculously easy way to make decent food taste amazing. Plus the beautiful smell of hickory/mesquite/or any hard wood eclipses all those stupid scented candles and air fresheners your spouse/significant other fills your home with (just be prepared your home WILL SMELL like a BBQ pit for at least a few weeks-not necessarily a bad thing though)

7.Fire Extinguisher: Because you never know. You are a crazy cook, coming up crazy dishes. I am sure one day you are going to want to use a propane torch to sear some fish (like Iron Chefs do) or toast some marshmallows(like you know you want to). So it is best to be prepared. And now you can feel like a responsible adult and look down disapprovingly at your friends who DON’T have a fire extinguisher.

8.Toaster-Oven: Incase you did not realize how freaking critical this is REREAD THIS.

9.Tupperware/Reusable Storage Containers:  Men make manly batches of food, no matter how many people will be getting served. No serious cook makes just a small portion that will get eaten that night. And although we may try, often it is simply impossible to eat all the food. Here is where storage containers come in. They don’t need to be fancy or even have matching lids because they WILL get lost.

10.Beans: They are cheap and tasty. Dried or fresh, beans are also very versatile and can really bulk up a meal if you are too stingy to spend money on expensive meats, fish and other protein sources. And you will always be prepared for that vegan friend of yours. Beans NEVER go bad either, so you can buy em and forget about em, so they are always ready when you get hungry and find your fridge empty.

11.Bathroom Nearby: Incase you rely too heavily on the above kitchen essential.

12.Cactus: Because if you must have plants in the kitchen to keep the Misses happy, you mine as well have something that is tough enough to scar you if you mess with it. As a bonus, they can survive months of neglect.

13.Industrial Style Sink: You know that YOU are going to get stuck cleaning up your all the junk at the end of the evening. So you mine as well make clean-up as fast and enjoyable as possible. A restaurant style “pre-rinse” high-powered faucet attached to your sink, makes doing dishes cool. If you can afford it, get it.

A "heavy-duty" kitchen faucet makes the chore of doing the dishes a little more badass. And spiky cactuses on the window sill can fend for themselves.

14.Skillet (must be cast iron): A stupidly heavy cast iron skillet is an investment. You NEVER get rid of it, and you actually pass it down to your favorite kid (you can give the others your old Tupperware). Why cast iron? It never needs cleaning…NO wait it is even better, you are NOT supposed to clean it. So that’s cool. But wait, there is more, a good skillet gets “seasoned” with each meal you cook in it. This means that after some use, food cooked in your trusty skillet will taste amazing from having bits of old fajita chicken mixed in with Asian flavors from previous stir-frys, and various other random bits from old dinners you cooked…believe it or not, but this does make taste good. Oh, and you can always use this heavy pice of hardware as a weapon.

14.Stainless Steel EVERYTHING: While you may be an amateur cook, your kitchen should look professional. This not only gives you “street-cred” when your dinner guests come over, but it makes you feel badass when cooking in a metal clad environment. (And NO chrome and mirrored finishes do not count…sorry).

Am I forgetting something?

Get these kickass kitchen essentials and your kitchen will be cooler and your food tastier.


Tags: , , , , , ,

Categories: Recommendations

Author:Mr. Fed Up

A guy looking for good grub. and YES....I have a website...and I am not going to bore you with one of those personal journal type of blogs. I promise. Check it out; www.FedUpFood.com


Subscribe to our RSS feed and social profiles to receive updates.

25 Comments on “Fed Up’s Manly Kitchen Essentials”

  1. April 10, 2012 at 3:33 am #

    Oven thermometer/timer with remote! I’m not a big gadget thing, but I love mine. I can have something in the oven with critical timing while I’m out on the deck or on the couch reading a book or taking a snooze and be paged when my food is ready. Or in the winter, I can use it to monitor my grill outside while I’m on the couch reading a book – softly snores.

    I can also clip it on my front pocket or waistband and look important.

    You can get by without one, but why? Many is the time my thermometer has saved me a roast, turkey, chicken or steak.

    • April 10, 2012 at 8:34 am #

      Ok. This remote timer is going on Next year’s Fed Up Kitchen Essentials for sure. It has all the criteria needed as the perfect kitchen essential; It allows you to be extra lazy, it makes you look important, and it prevents good food from going bad! Thanks for the recommendation!

  2. April 10, 2012 at 9:25 am #

    1. And I thought I was the only one with two spice cabinets. Because one cupboard is not enough to hold all the spicy goodness.

    2. Toater Ovens are a brilliant idea. I love them.

    3. Hot Sauce. My favorites are fruit (guava) based hot sauces from Hawaii. I was told to put salsa on baked potatoes. But I don’t like salsa well enough. At least not until I tried Ghost Chili Salsa. That stuff rocks. Sure it is super hot, but before the heat kicks your feet out from under you, the taste is wonderful.

    4. I have a favorite kitchen knife and I love Pampered Chef paring knives. The tiny cheap ones you can add to your order for a dollar or two.

    5. I do not feel the need for plants in my kitchen. They just take up space I can use for kitcheny stuff.

    14. I do not have a cast iron skillet. But I want one. I personally like the weapon aspect of it myself. But then just ask my D & D friends, even in my imagination, I need a pack animal just to carry all my lovely weapons. I hate going to edged weapon stores because the stupid employees ignore me. They think a girl wouldn’t be buying weapons. I mean, how many girls know what a maquahuitl is?

    13 Sink. I wish it was bigger. And I want to get a strainer that fits over the center bar. Those are nice. They put little veggie sinks in the break rooms at work. I’m trying to figure out why they choose that particular style of sink. When washing lunch bowls, the water splashes everywhere because the sink is too shallow.

    • April 10, 2012 at 9:34 am #

      HAHA. Thank you for your comments!
      Glad to hear I am not the only seasoning fanatic here!

      I love a good salsa or hot sauce (AWESOME in pinto bean stuffed sweet potatoes) and I want to find me some Guava stuff now.

      As for a paring knife, I use my victorinox forschner every day. I just got three more for Christmas when this one finally goes bad.

      I agree, plants should really only be a secondary items in a kitchen…only brought in the kitchen if there is leftover space from all the TRUE kitchen gadgets/appliances

      I have NO ideas what a “maquahuitl” is but I bet a good heavy skillet could be a decent substitute in a fight.

      Small sink = big clean up; I have that same problem with our bar-sink. The thing is too damn small for anything useful.

  3. April 10, 2012 at 3:57 pm #

    Iron skillets are absolutely essential. You can braise meat, make cornbread and pancakes in them are always perfect. Mine were inherited from my grandmother and I treat them like the precious objects they are.

    • April 10, 2012 at 9:51 pm #

      Plus the word “skillet” is just plain cool…seriously our next dog will probably be named “skillet”…or “hoover” if he vacuums up the kitchen floor like our current “sous-chef.”

  4. April 10, 2012 at 5:38 pm #

    Loving your post, especially #1 (seasoning galore in my house), #4 (have 3), #5 (my other half), #6 (my other half made a UDS) and #9 (ziploc, glad, pyrex, tupperware – you know it will be in my kitchen)!!!

    • April 10, 2012 at 9:56 pm #

      Always happy to see fans of seasoning. Oh, and it is funny how ziploc, tupperware, etc are such a big part of our lives…I just realized I think I use at least one of these EVERY day…maybe even more than my trusty toaster oven.

  5. April 11, 2012 at 2:34 pm #

    The crockpot. How could you leave out the indispensable crockpot? (You can cook up those manly batches of lasagna that don’t fit in the toaster oven.) Actually, I’m surprised your kitchen plants aren’t herbs…or do they fall under the whole neglect thing?

    • April 11, 2012 at 3:14 pm #

      ha…crock pots have their place in kitchens with cooks who have PATIENCE. not me. The only crock pot we ever had remained unopened in its packaging and then finally given several years later as a wedding gift to a friend. BUT, I know that many people swear by their beloved crock pot.

      I try to keep my plants in the garden, and not using up valuable kitchen real-estate. I actually have a full garden that I usually eat at least one thing from every day. I had eggplant from my garden yesterday on a pizza, and today I had hot tobasco peppers from the garden in my stirfry. You now what…I think I am going to have to do a “Recommendation” post on how kickass it is to garden…WOW, I NEVER would have thought I would get this excited about growing plants in my yard.

      Oh, and if I did not have a nice size yard, then I definitely would at least have a basil and possibly a rosemary plant in a pot on a window sill or something. I rely too heavily on these now.

  6. Nichol Caddingham
    April 11, 2012 at 9:35 pm #

    Reblogged this on Modern Gentleman and commented:
    I know next to nothing about cooking things besides frozen pizza but don’t have to as long as I continue reblogging posts from “Fed Up” … added bonus: I might eventually learn something about the subject by doing so.

    • April 12, 2012 at 8:34 am #

      Thanks for reblogging!

      Oh and the only important thing when it come to cooking and food in general: trust what your belly craves…it will lead to tasty results.

  7. April 23, 2012 at 12:18 pm #

    i’ve gotta nominate you for a versatile blogger award… you’re pretty hilarious

    • April 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm #

      Thanks. I appreciate it. I am glad you like the posts! I just try and speak my mind….sometimes gems are written down, other times it is just crap.


  1. Day One Hundred..#Cooking makes the world go round.. « Confessions of an Apple Junkie - April 10, 2012

    […] Fed Up’s Manly Kitchen Essentials (fedupfood.com) […]

  2. Remote controlled stove « Stiod – Stupid Ideas of the day - April 22, 2012

    […] Fed Up’s Manly Kitchen Essentials (fedupfood.com) […]

  3. Kitchen Confusion | Fed Up Food - May 1, 2012

    […] The kitchen and the world of food is one crazy maze that is often difficult to navigate. Whether you are […]

  4. Concurring Daemons: Beets Revisited | Fed Up Food - May 9, 2012

    […] combo of salty-sweet-nutty that also was pretty damn healthy too. This is definitely something that Fed Up kitchen will create in the […]

  5. The Proof Is In The Pudding | Fed Up Food - May 16, 2012

    […] wondering if  I should relocate myself to some country where jury duty does not exist; I searched my kitchen for something new. I looked all over for inspiration. I saw some pudding I had made over a week […]

  6. More Then Pizza and Pasta: What Italians Really Eat | Fed Up Food - July 20, 2012

    […] quality granola and Honey Bunches of Oates are always showing up in breakfast bowls in the Fed Up kitchen; so of course I had to check out the Italian cereal aisle. I came across […]

  7. Fiber Feast | Fed Up Food - July 22, 2012

    […] Time for another food-combo from the Fed Up Kitchen. […]

  8. It’s OK to be a Squirrel | Fed Up Food - September 27, 2012

    […] always nice to have something on hand that you can count on to calm your cravings. Plus, having a well stocked arsenal of edible items on hand can allow you to be creative, resulting in surprisingly tasty […]

  9. Terrible Truffle Tradegy | Fed Up Food - October 10, 2012

    […] addicting cooking competitions: Whenever a contestant uses truffle oil, they ALWAYS lose.  In the Fed Up household, the idea of ‘truffle oil’ is a joke now, and we mention the dangerous ingredient […]

  10. Best Bite of the Week | Fed Up Food - October 12, 2012

    […] The new Fed Up HQ is pretty cool. The kitchen especially is freaking awesome and meets almost all the requirements outlined here on Fed Up.  So we plan on bringing better food to the Fed Up table and sharing our findings. Plus, […]

  11. Dining Danger | Fed Up Food - April 30, 2013

    […] night a concoction was created that resulted in a crazy combination of circumstances that my body, my house, and my soul had to deal […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: