Pizza ‘Posers’

Keep pizza, and its glorious taste, to the real thing…STOP trying to make other perfectly tasty things, taste like pizza. MORE IMPORTANTLY;  pizza is sacred…and these pathetic pizza ‘flavor’ attempts are blatant sins that never satisfy.

How can THESE claim to have ANYTHING in common to the real thing?!? At least they are honest with their ‘Artificially Flavored’ label. And that image of a potato chip ‘slice’ being pulled from a cheesy pizza is kind of gross. It really is not an appetizing picture.

A  good  pizza is a beautiful thing, and it would be wonderful if that same flavorful experience could conveniently be found in  vaccume-sealed bags on every corner store’s shelves. But ‘pizza’ simply cannot be properly duplicated in chip form or processed into pretzels  or manipulated into another other bite sized snack.

Chips flavored as ‘pizza’ are truly an insult to the real thing. They do a sad job of recreating that sensation you get from a pristine pizza being pulled right out of the oven. A bag of chips labeled as   ‘pizza flavored,’ is simply a lie used to tap into our positive associations we have with the stereotypical Italian dish. It is the same damn scheme you see all the drinks with flavor titles that describe colors or emotions, but not actual taste.

I just get fed up with marketers who pry on our innocent addictions to tasty meals. They lure us in with sweet promises of pizza, but after the first bite, you realize you were duped and ‘Original’ would have been the wiser choice. It is pure, dishonest, deception.

There is nothing wrong with creative flavors combos or paring unlikely foods together to make amazing new things. ‘BBQ’ is a legitimate flavor, and I am cool with ‘Ranch’ and ‘Sour Cream and Onion.’ BUT ‘Pizza’ is an actual dish. It is a combination of ingredients and careful cooking techniques, that does not need to be attempted in potato-chip from. What is next?!? Sushi flavored Saltines? (actually sushi-Saltines sound kind of good…)

These pizza ‘posers’ are simply an insult to the real thing and piss me off.

The biggest inslut to true pizza taste…the dreaded pizza-flavored ‘Combos.’ Even as a kid who would eat almost anything, I avoided these pretzel-pizza snacks. They tasted nothing like pizza. I remember trying them and thinking how I would have been happier with just some plain pretzels instead.

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Categories: Rants

Author:Mr. Fed Up

A guy looking for good grub. and YES....I have a website...and I am not going to bore you with one of those personal journal type of blogs. I promise. Check it out; www.FedUpFood.com

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17 Comments on “Pizza ‘Posers’”

  1. August 8, 2012 at 12:36 pm #

    I can take you knocking the pizza Pringles, but when you knock the pizza Combos, that’s where I draw the line! I LOVED those when I was younger!

    • August 8, 2012 at 1:54 pm #

      Ok..Ok…I DO HIGHLY RESPECT the opinion of the ‘Crazy Food Dude’ and his expertly trained palate. I admit, I know quite a few people who loved the Combos growing up and LOVE them STILL. I used to love the Combos myself…just not the ‘Pizza’ ones, I felt like there was always something funky about them.
      But hey, I think now I am just spoiled with making my own homemade pizza, that anything else that tries to compete for my pizza-fix, just leaves me dissapointed.

      I will let you keep your positive feeling towards pizza Combos, as long as it is realized that they are largely based off of childhood memories. Have you tried the pizza Combos recently? Do you think they would meet your taste expectations? BUT if YOU say they really do taste good (even today as an adult), then I TRUST YOU and will have to give them a second chance.

      • August 8, 2012 at 2:09 pm #

        Oh…Now Bugles were AWESOME to me as a kid…although I don’t think I would ever pick them up again. While they did not have a pizza flavor, I am pretty sure Goldfish did, and I ate EVERY FLAVOR of Goldfish. They were probably one of my favorite childhood snacks…but I haven’t picked up a bag in years.

        Maybe one week I need to pick up groceries of ONLY my favorite foods from the past.

      • August 8, 2012 at 3:12 pm #

        Meh, don’t bother with the goldfish. They still taste good, but they just aren’t as good as they used to be. I don’t know if they are cooked any differently now but I think part of the problem with them (and plenty of other flavored chip/cracker products) is that they actually put too much flavoring on food stuffs anymore. Like Doritos, I remember how cool it was to find a chip that had a heavy coating of flavor powder. I’d make sure to save that one for the last chip. Now all the chips have a heavy coat of flavoring and it is almost too much to me.

      • August 8, 2012 at 3:56 pm #

        Yep…I think you have a very good point…they are now just OVER flavoring snacks now. Sometimes they even make it a selling point, like in the ‘Extreme’ flavors. Food trends are always funny.

      • August 8, 2012 at 5:43 pm #

        I’ve had the pizza combos within the past year and they are still just as good. Gotta disagree on the nacho cheese combos though…those always sucked. I’ve never been a fan of nacho cheese though, so that would explain why I didn’t really like those.

      • August 9, 2012 at 9:01 am #

        Ok…I really do TRUST your judgement! Your reviews on http://www.CrazyFoodDude.com have always been spot on! I will have give those pizza Combos a second chance.

        And I agree with you, I rarely find anything ‘nacho-cheese’ flavored thing that tastes that good. Plain cheddar always seems like the better option.

  2. elangomatt
    August 8, 2012 at 1:06 pm #

    I’ve always been a big fan of the Pepperoni Pizza flavored combos. I’ve always though the pizzeria pretzel combos would have been better if they weren’t pretzel combos. As far as the other pizza flavored chips (or crisps in the case of Pringles) they can pretty much all die and I wouldn’t be sorry. The last and only good pizza flavored chip that I have ever had was the “Pizzeria’s” brand chips. I think they stopped making those quite a few years ago.

    • August 8, 2012 at 1:59 pm #

      Hey!…Sorry to bash the Combos, just not my go-to-grub. Yes, SPECIFICALLY the pretzel-pizza combinations just does not seem to sound too good to me either. I have never heard of the ‘Pizzeria’s” brand chips before…It always a terrible thing when a great food suddenly goes extinct. I have nightmares of my favorite staple cereals going bye-bye : http://fedupfood.com/2012/05/10/gotta-have-my-pops/

      Oh…and the Pringles have got to be the biggest offenders in pizza dissapointment…their other flaovrs (big fan of the BBQ) are GREAT!…but NO PRINGLE can live up to the promise of real pizza taste.

  3. August 8, 2012 at 1:16 pm #

    I’m with the others. I love those pizza-flavored Combos. Though I won’t argue that they actually taste like pizza. Some pizza though hardly lives up to its name.

    • August 8, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

      Haha. You are right about that Heather…many pizzas barely deserve the title. I now only ever make my own pizza using overpriced ingredients…I have become a snob in that regard.

      I think if the pizza flavored combos were just called something other than pizza, they would instantly taste better…but when the expectation bar is risen so high by the use of the term ‘pizza’, it is very easy to be dissaponted. Maybe they should just call them tomato-cheese-Combos and save themselves from pizza-comparisons

  4. October 12, 2012 at 8:11 am #

    “Pizza” is also no a single flavor. There are many different types of flavors and when a person hears the word ‘pizza’ and the flavor is called to mind, it is different for everyone. Who are they to tell me what pizza is ‘supposed’ to taste like anyway?

    • Mr. Fed Up
      October 12, 2012 at 10:43 am #

      Good point! BBQ chicken pizza is a COMPLETELY different thing and taste from your standard cheese and pepperoni pizza. There is no real ‘pizza’ flavor…all those pizza posers really just have a bunch of Italian flavors with maybe some tomato and cheese hints.

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